So, our business meeting this morning was sunny and spring like, but there was still that chill in the air that you would hope by next week and the beginning of May would signal the end of this chilly undertone and the heating can be completely switched off.

As we walked this morning I was relaying to Diggers how I was seeing an awful lot more cases recently of low self esteem and negative self image.

‘Well, that is something I certainly don’t tend to suffer from!’ said Diggers, having just savagely barked a warning to a passing Spaniel that had shown absolutely no sign of hostility to him.

‘No’, I said rolling my eyes, ‘Jack Russells are certainly good at portraying self image and confidence even if they don’t always feel it’. Diggers will take on dogs three or four times his size (but usually when he is on the lead and I am by his side! He says that he does it to protect me …………)

Diggers carried on, after having paused to do that funny scrappy ‘victory dance’ dogs tend to do in the grass after they have successfully seen off a potential threat. ‘It’s all a question of what you put out there, I may look a little short legged dog, but I’ve got a bark that would send a chill down even the most hardy of Posties’ spines! I stand my ground even when I’m faced with something as intimidating as a hostile Rottweiler ..(this is true) Why should I be or feel any less of a dog than the big ones just because I am closer to their feet than their head? Yeah, I don’t understand you humans, you are always beating yourselves up or comparing yourself against others and feeling inferior to them. The thing is, the person you compare yourself to is probably feeling the same way but doesn’t show it.’ He stopped to sniff a big clump of Borage before turning to me and saying, ‘Why do you all act like that? ‘

We stopped by the gate where the Highland cattle used to be and looked out across the fields. ‘Well, it’s like this Diggers. Low self esteem is something that many people suffer from it manifests in many different ways, the way people feel they look, speak, portray themselves, interact with people, the clothes they wear, who they would like to be but fear to be and who they feel they should be but don’t want to be… lots of different things can influence self esteem. However, it usually starts from one thing …. A negative thought or feeling about yourself. When you feel negative it’s like pulling the bottom piece out of a game of Jenga as all these other negative thoughts and feelings come crashing down around you. You then become an advertising hoarding for more negativity and become more and more bogged down with it. Then others pick up on this and see you as someone with no confidence and start to treat you in that way. That then makes the negative feelings stronger, making you feel worse about yourself and the vicious circle continues, seemingly never to break’.

‘That’s not good’ , said Diggers exploring a rabbit hole, ‘How does someone recognise the signs?’

‘Well, you can ask yourself a few questions like, What is your body language like? Do you look people in the eye or avoid eye contact? How do you stand? Proud or apologetically? How do you sound? Clear with your voice going up at the end of a sentence? Or flat and unclear? What words do you use? Maybe they are words and phrases like… “I can’t…”, “I'll never be able to..” , “I’m too nervous to”...”There’s no point in….”This constant negative stance about yourself can then lead to physical problems too like headaches, digestive issues etc that make you feel worse.

‘How do you break the cycle then?’ asked Diggers, I sensed his interest waning as he eyed a fat waddling wood pigeon on the ground further down the lane.

‘Well, as negativity attracts negativity then likewise positivity attracts positivity. If you feel positive about yourself then you are much more likely to feel more relaxed both in your mind and in your body. It then makes you feel more confident in your ability at something. It doesn’t mean you are automatically going to succeed at everything, but you are more likely to feel more confident about your approach. Clear in your mind that you did your best, you will have no reason to beat yourself up and another ‘opportunity’ is likely to come along quicker. You will still feel disappointed, but your self esteem will be less damaged. Likewise, if you feel positive you will radiate this outwardly and others will see you more as a confident person as your posture and body language will change without you realising as you believe in yourself more and more. As you work on those positive thoughts, you will also find your communication becomes stronger, your voice clearer with more intonation. Think about that old vocabulary that you used to use and change the angle to a more positive one. Use phrases like “ I can”, “I am good at..” “I’m going to have a go at that” “I’m as good as the next person, I’ll give it my best shot..” Practicing these changes (in your own time) will help to break that vicious circle of low self esteem.

I read a great book years ago called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway!’ (Susan Jeffers) it’s worth a read if you want to feel empowered to change. Or, just make small steps. Make a list of times in the past when you have felt negative or maybe acted in a negative way. Revisit some of those occasions on the list and think how different the outcome might have felt for you if you had applied some of the positivity tools we’ve talked about this morning. Use that as a boost to spur you on!

I relayed a quote I had read recently by Mel Robbins, an American Lawyer and motivational speaker…

“There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.” - Mel Robbins

I turned round but Diggers was gone. The pigeon was too much of a draw, he was off down the lane barking madly. The meeting was over .