Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 23rd May 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was a little chilly for the latter part of May, but the sun was out and it still smelled like early summer and the hedgerows were coming out in full bloom. 

Diggers has been at Grandma and Grandad’s for a few days as we had to go down to Bath for a funeral. As we walked I let Diggers get acclimatized back to his familiar places, nose down tail in the air. He was away with the familiar scents of rabbits, squirrels and of course, ever hopeful of that discarded cheese sandwich in the ditch! 

We walked and I reflected on the last couple of weeks. They had been strange…. The bathroom renovations had been rather stressful because of unforeseen problems and large companies hiding behind the ‘Covid Times’ as an excuse not to deliver service to customers. Delays and costs increased, but it was done now (apart from an Electrician that has gone AWOL) and it was worth the issues, the costs and the three weeks without a bath as we are very pleased with it.

The anniversary of my special guardian angel and the little signs I always get around this time which affirm to me that she is still close by and aware of how my life has panned out - always my guiding light.

It had also been the first week back to doing some face-to-face classes. I am only doing two…. Not nearly 30 like pre-pandemic times. I found I didn’t like it, I felt the most vulnerable I had felt for a long time. I found the environment that I am so used to, strangely alien and I realised that my decision to keep my business online was the right one for me. I still believe that the way we help people with fitness will change and the gym and leisure centre culture will not be as strong as before. 

Then, I reflected on the last couple of days. My wife and I had travelled to Bath for her Grandmother’s funeral. It was the furthest we had travelled for over a year and the most amount of people we had been with for that time too. The service itself was obviously carried out to Covid regulations. Instead of singing hymns we listened to a recording  from the crematorium’s library of hymns no doubt (something that must have been purchased during these ‘strange times’) because we were unable to sing the hymns, I found they lost their meaning and we were just left with a kind of choral ‘muzac’ that just filled a space in the schedule. The service was shorter because of guidelines and restrictions and it all felt rather strange and unfitting. For a lady that had such a long life (93 years), it felt like a brief and perfunctory acknowledgement. I pondered on this and couldn’t help thinking that it would have been more meaningful if we had just had 15 minutes of contemplation in the room remembering her in our own private way rather than through this forced, pre-recorded ‘normality’ - that isn’t normal at all. I feel we need to get real and understand that ‘normal’ has changed - when we get over that we can start to look at ways of creating a new way forward. After the funeral we were with people…… again,something that we have avoided for well over a year. This was surreal in itself as, apart from my wife obviously and my sister in-law, these were not the people I would have thought or imagined in the depths of lockdown to be the first people I longed to mix with when allowed! But, at the end of the day, it was for my wife’s ‘Nanny’ and even though it was a strange send off, it was a time to remember her and to say goodbye. 

So, it still made me think about this yearning for ‘normality’ that I hear, see and read all about at the moment. The pre-recorded hymns at the funeral (because we can t sing them so we’d better have them anyway but listen to them instead - wouldn’t silence and reflection be an alternative? ), the people on the news are rushing off on holiday to foriegn countries because they want to get some sun and they didn’t go last year…… I think to myself that if anything this period of enforced restrictions may have given us all time to reflect and think about what ‘normal’ was doing to us, we went along with the momentum of it all because ‘that was the norm’.... We’ve had time to assess that and I’ve certainly made changes to what my normal looked like. You can’t always see it when blindly going through it day-after-day. Maybe we shouldn’t be looking at rushing back to ‘a bit of normality’, but embracing a new way of doing things…. 

I thought back to a quote that I have always remembered from my University days, a quote by the founder of the Herman Miller Furniture empire, Max De Pree……

“ We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are”. 

I turned the corner and found Diggers in the ditch, I think he had found his prize…… the meeting was over.  

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 9th May 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was a bit different to how it has been the last few days! The sun was shining and the wind was warm even at 8.30am. The hedgerows seemed to have bloomed overnight and the verges were full of Borage, dead Nettle, Red Campion and Stitchwort. Diggers was eyeing up the long blades of grass. We were also very pleased to see the Highland Cattle back in their field. It had been several weeks that they had been absent and I was beginning to worry that they may have become field to fork! 

As we walked Diggers sniffed, ‘Well, this is much better’. 

‘Better than what?’ I asked 

‘Better weather than that stormy, rainy and cold weather we’ve had this week’. He paused to snap at a Bee which had settled on a clump of Borage (one day Diggers will learn the hard way, snapping at Bees). 

‘Yes’, I said, as I went to say hello to the three horses in the next field along. 

‘It’s a bit like the week you’ve had’, Diggers went on ‘That’s been a bit turbulent, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong’. (Thanks for reminding me Diggers). It was true, it has been a challenging week from all angles ( I won’t bore you with the details) but it has certainly been a week I would rather forget about than dwell on from both a business and personal perspective. Diggers, like a dog with a bone, did not let the subject drop…. ‘I mean, you’ve certainly had the odds stacked against you and as the week has gone on it seems to have got worse rather than better . How come you don’t just explode, or retreat somewhere and have a breakdown! I know I would! (But remember, Jack Russells are notoriously highly strung..) 

We had stopped by the sheep field and it looked like storm clouds were gathering. It was like Diggers had read my mind as he quickly looked up to me and said, ‘Looks like your bad luck is about to continue again as I noticed you’ve come out without a coat or umbrella’. He shook his head as he riffled through the ditch (probably looking for that old cheese sandwich again). 

‘Well, It’s like this Diggers’, I said looking out across the field to the sheep. ‘Take those sheep for instance. They are content to know that they have grass available to eat and that is their main concern at the moment. If the grass supply runs out they don’t worry about it, they simply move on to another area of the field where the grass is plentiful again. They are also not worried about the colour of the sky, concerning themselves with what will happen if there is a downpour. They carry on with the job-in-hand. If the rain should fall they have thick fleeces with an oily outer coating and the rain will just run off. You see a sheep is pretty stoic, pretty solid, it just doesn’t overthink things. It doesn’t consider things or over analyse situations it just ploughs on. Should something happen,it makes a bit of an adjustment and then just carries on as it always has. We could all do with being a bit more like the sheep Diggers. However we try not to, we are always going to have bad days, weeks… even longer. Times when things just don’t go right and as we deal with one issue another one comes along to add to the burden and before we know it we are fire fighting from one bad thing to another. It snowballs and we feel stressed and that then makes us feel negative, which then brings us down even further. I’m sure the sheep have the odd bad day, but rather than fight it, become outraged at the injustice of it or disappointed by being let down, or frustrated by the lack of ownership, I imagine they just move on’. 

I mentioned to Diggers a quote by the famous Swiss Psychologist, Carl Jung…..

‘What you resist persists’ - Carl Jung

‘Sometimes Diggers you just have to let it all go and move on’. I looked down, but Diggers had moved on right to the far end of the lane. I thought I spied the corner of a cheese sandwich hanging out of his mouth! The meeting was over.   

Maybe the sheep have got it right after all ………..

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 2nd May 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was bright, but still very chilly considering it is now May. However the blossom is out and the grass seems greener and it feels like summer is edging around the corner. 

Diggers was in a spritely mood hareing round the field at breakneck speed and rolling round in whatever scent he could find ! I decided to leave him to it this morning. He was so full of Jack Russell energy that he would be absolutely no good for boardroom discussions. 

So I was alone with my thoughts as we walked this morning. It has been a strange end to the week. On Friday, my wife lost her grandmother, ‘Nanny’ . It was not totally unexpected as she had reached the grand and very admirable age of 93, but still, it is a sad shock when it happens. She was a great character, very slight (and frail in latter years) in frame but steely strong in heart and mind. I will remember her as laughing a lot and being quite ‘game’ to try things. I remember her hilarious and indecipherable attempts at Pictionary!  She loved her garden, something that my wife has inherited. In fact my wife said that on Friday morning, just before she heard the news of her Nanny’s passing,  as she was tending her plants and uncovering her Sweet Peas, a single white feather fluttered down in front of her. A sign from above? …. a message from ‘Nanny’ that the garden was looking good and to keep up the good work and that most importantly, all will be well. 

As I walked along I looked across the field at the blossom out in the trees and hedgerows, all the new life and the countryside coming back to colour. As I said, even the grass seems greener. I always think that at this time of year it’s like an artist has got out his watercolours and recoloured everything. Bringing positive energy for the summer months. We probably seldom take time to look at it , just carry on on our next job to do, maybe checking the smartphone, thinking about what we haven’t done or worrying about what to have for tea. Mindfulness is ‘trendy’ these days and bandied about a lot. It’s loved by marketing departments as everyone wants it but doesn’t have time for it , so they look to purchase it and then they can say that they have it. … you can get an app for that you know….. I rest my case. It’s not about an app and it’s not a thing you can acquire for a monthly subscription. Also, it’s not something we can just switch on. 

I looked across at Diggers burying his nose in the green dewy grass. If he were to look round I would say… ‘Well, it’s like this Diggers stop listening to what you ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ do and what you should or shouldn't buy or sign up to to get the quiet mind and space you crave from our busy world.  Just look around you once in a while, notice the little signs, laugh at the memories, cry at the losses, blot out the news and gloom once in a while and listen to the birds outside. Finding the path to a quiet mind is something you have to find, not purchase, and it’s there if you stop for a moment and look. So, find a pathway that works for you. Don’t follow the crowd and don’t worry if others agree with it or not. Life is actually very short in the grand scheme of things, so do what you like. If it’s safe, legal and healthy for you then rip up the rule book and go for it! 

There is a quote by the Philosopher Rumi that says..

“The inspiration you seek is already within you. Be silent and listen”.

I looked across at Diggers  - he was still tearing round. The meeting was over! 

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 25th April 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was sunny and spring like, but there was still that chill in the air that you would hope by next week and the beginning of May would signal the end of this chilly undertone and the heating can be completely switched off. 

As we walked this morning I was relaying to Diggers how I was seeing an awful lot more cases recently of low self esteem and negative self image. 

‘Well, that is something I certainly don’t tend to suffer from!’ said Diggers, having just savagely barked a warning to a passing Spaniel that had shown absolutely no sign of hostility to him. 

‘No’, I said rolling my eyes, ‘Jack Russells are certainly good at portraying self image and confidence even if they don’t always feel it’. Diggers will take on dogs three or four times his size (but usually when he is on the lead and I am by his side! He says that he does it to protect me …………)

Diggers carried on, after having paused to do that funny scrappy ‘victory dance’ dogs tend to do in the grass after they have successfully seen off a potential threat. ‘It’s all a question of what you put out there, I may look a little short legged dog, but I’ve got a bark that would send a chill down even the most hardy of Posties’ spines! I stand my ground even when I’m faced with something as intimidating as a hostile Rottweiler ..(this is true) Why should I be or feel any less of a dog than the big ones just because I am closer to their feet than their head?  Yeah, I don’t understand you humans, you are always beating yourselves up or comparing yourself against others and feeling inferior to them. The thing is, the person you compare yourself to is probably feeling the same way but doesn’t show it.’ He stopped to sniff a big clump of Borage before turning to me and saying, ‘Why do you all act like that? ‘  

We stopped by the gate where the Highland cattle used to be and looked out across the fields. ‘Well, it’s like this Diggers. Low self esteem is something that many people suffer from it manifests in many different ways, the way people feel they look, speak, portray themselves, interact with people, the clothes they wear, who they would like to be but fear to be and who they feel they should be but don’t want to be… lots of different things can influence self esteem. However, it usually starts from one thing …. A negative thought or feeling about yourself. When you feel negative it’s like pulling the bottom piece out of a game of Jenga as all these other negative thoughts and feelings come crashing down around you. You then become an advertising hoarding for more negativity and become more and more bogged down with it. Then others pick up on this and see you as someone with no confidence and start to treat you in that way. That then makes the negative feelings stronger, making you feel worse about yourself and the vicious circle continues, seemingly never to break’.

‘That’s not good’ , said Diggers exploring a rabbit hole, ‘How does someone recognise the signs?’

‘Well, you can ask yourself a few questions like, What is your body language like? Do you look people in the eye or avoid eye contact? How do you stand? Proud or apologetically?  How do you sound? Clear with your voice going up at the end of a sentence? Or flat and unclear? What words do you use? Maybe they are words and phrases like… “I can’t…”, “I'll never be able to..” , “I’m too nervous to”...”There’s no point in….”This constant negative stance about yourself can then lead to physical problems too like headaches, digestive issues etc that make you feel worse. 

‘How do you break the cycle then?’ asked Diggers, I sensed his interest waning as he eyed a fat waddling wood pigeon on the ground further down the lane.

‘Well, as negativity attracts negativity then likewise positivity attracts positivity. If you feel positive about yourself then you are much more likely to feel more relaxed both in your mind and in your body. It then makes you feel more confident in your ability at something. It doesn’t mean you are automatically going to succeed at everything, but you are more likely to feel more confident about your approach. Clear in your mind that you did your best, you will have no reason to beat yourself up and another ‘opportunity’ is likely to come along quicker. You will still feel disappointed, but your self esteem will be less damaged. Likewise, if you feel positive you will radiate this outwardly and others will see you more as a confident person as your posture and body language will change without you realising as you believe in yourself more and more. As you work on those positive thoughts, you will also find your communication becomes stronger, your voice clearer with more intonation. Think about that old vocabulary that you used to use and change the angle to a more positive one. Use phrases like “ I can”, “I am good at..” “I’m going to have a go at that” “I’m as good as the next person, I’ll give it my best shot..” Practicing these changes (in your own time) will help to break that vicious circle of low self esteem. 

I read a great book years ago called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway!’ (Susan Jeffers) it’s worth a read if you want to feel empowered to change. Or, just make small steps. Make a list of times in the past when you have felt negative or maybe acted in a negative way. Revisit some of those occasions on the list and think how different the outcome might have felt for you if you had applied some of the positivity tools we’ve talked about this morning. Use that as a boost to spur you on! 

I relayed a quote I had read recently by Mel Robbins, an American Lawyer and motivational speaker…

“There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.” - Mel Robbins

I turned round but Diggers was gone. The pigeon was too much of a draw, he was off down the lane barking madly. The meeting was over .     

The London train passing through

Healthier than a gravy bone……

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 18th April 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was bright and very spring-like. Even the ground was dry underfoot for a change and it was the first time in months that I’d left the green wellies behind! 

Diggers was trying out his new harness (fluorescent orange - he is such a trend setter! ) and it was even a little loose, so cutting down on those gravy bones a little is clearly beginning to show dividends. 

Diggers was in a particularly ‘barking’ frame of mind this morning and not into engaging with me and the matters arising.  Barking at every dog that went by, but more notably barking at distant barks of dogs far away. I’ve long wondered about this, having been a big fan of the book 101 Dalmations when I was a child, I’ve always liked to believe the ‘twilight barking’ network really exists. I watch him, the distant bark of dogs and he stops dead in his tracks, front paw paused and head cocked on one side with one ear up. He sniffs the air as if decoding or considering the message and then barks his reply. Good old fashioned communication. I left him to catch up.  

As we walk on it gets me thinking more about how we communicate now. Not through phone calls and ‘over-the-garden-wall’ chats, but through the world of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat……. I could go on. ...It’s instant and wide ranging and suddenly we become ‘experts’ in any number of debates and subjects. Everybody has an opinion (which is everyone’s right) but then the ‘#hate’ sets in if other people share a different opinion…..

As a Counsellor I often see the negative side of social media and what it can do to people. I understand how rumours or untruths can spread and influence people quickly without being in receipt of the facts ( ‘It must be true, I read it on social media’’) Judge and jury in an instant.

I see depression and anxiety that develops from social media inferiority - the perfect lives portrayed that people worry about not having. The perfect image, the perfect family life, the implied material things that people start to benchmark against and compare themselves to. 

Don’t get me wrong. Social media has lots of good points. It is instant, we have a connection at the press of a button and it can help people in many ways. But, that main benefit is also the main drawback….. It’s instant. We post in a knee jerk reaction, taking very little time to consider actions or implications. 

If Diggers had been present with me in this morning’s meeting I would have said….

Well, It’s like this Diggers, take social media for what it is, just another line of communication. Don’t believe everything you see or hear on it to the extent that it makes you feel inadequate or unworthy. Don’t become fixated on it. Do you really need an account on every platform? Not only can that create extra anxiety for social media inferiority, but it can also add to added anxiety of keeping up with it all and posting etc which takes you away from the here and now. Use it as a tool. Spend some time ‘decluttering your feed’  - only hear from the people you want to hear from, only see the posts you want to see. Remember, you are always in control.   

There is a  quote not intended for my topic today but, in my opinion is a good approach to social media……

‘Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony’. - Thomas Merton

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 11th April 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was crisp after an overnight frost, but bright and sunny with the birds singing their hearts out.

Diggers was like one of those pigs they use in Italy to hunt out truffles, nose down focussed and rooting through everything! Only Diggers was probably looking more for a discarded sandwich thrown from a car window than a truffle!

‘It’s been another difficult week for our Queen again this week’, Diggers announced whilst catching a glimpse of himself in the huge puddle of field water run-off. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or his reflection. 

‘Yes’, I said ‘It certainly has been a very sad few days for the Queen and her family’.

Diggers ran up the bank in the green lane to a point I ironically call the ‘King of the castle’ spot  - where you can look out across the fields and beyond. A great place for quiet contemplation. He stood there, sniffing the air. ‘I just don’t know how she does it! She’ll be 95 this month, she’s had a nation in crisis, a family in crisis and now a personal crisis! 

‘Well, it’s like this Diggers’, I said looking out across the field with him. ‘Grief is something that is different for everyone. It can manifest in many different ways and continue through many different stages, taking an indefinable length of time for us to go through. It is a process of internal thoughts and experiences that will resurface and can be upsetting or can be endearing and humorous. Often, over time, the latter are the ones that tend to resurface more as we reach an acceptance and remembrance. 

Strength though is something we all have inside us, even if we think we don’t, we just have to look for it sometimes and draw on it when we need it. To show strength is not to be cold or unfeeling or indeed does it replace pain and sadness that we feel in loss. It doesn’t negate the need for support or love from others. It is a coping mechanism that we can draw on to help drive us through. Strength can simply just give someone the ability to face the day-to-day routine whilst grappling to deal with grief in their own way.’

I recalled to Diggers a quote by one of my favourite writers and one that I have quoted from before. A man who had more than his fair share of grief - C.S Lewis

It’s not the load that weighs you down, It’s the way you carry it’. C S Lewis 

I looked round but Diggers was chomping at something in the ditch….. He had found his ‘truffle’. The meeting was over!

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 4th April 2021

So, our business meeting this morning was a bit drizzly and cool, but still this morning. It was a little quicker than normal too as we were going to see my parents for a little while, in the socially distanced outdoor setting that we are now allowed to do. We had enough blankets packed to sink a battleship. Covid was one thing but you can still get a nasty chill or worse from sitting outside in winter temperatures! 

Diggers had his coat on. He had been to the groomers last week to have his lockdown hair removed but, with a change in the weather, he has been constantly shivering ever since! So the winter coat is back and this seems to be doing the trick. At least when the warmer weather does come back he will be able to discard that coat much more easily. 

As we hastened along this morning Diggers had his nose to the ground like Inspector Clouseau looking for clues. ‘So, It’s Easter Sunday then?’ he said, stopping to sniff a large clump of daffodils that somebody must have thrown into the hedgerow at some point and they had taken seed. 

‘Yes’, I said ‘It’s a time when people get together and share chocolate (those that can eat it! ) and think about the high point of the whole Easter story. 

‘Oh yes’, Diggers had moved on to a molehill ‘Why does everyone give eggs to each other? Why not gravy bones? 

‘The eggs are symbolic’ I said, Eggs have been used in festivals since time began to symbolise new life and the spring. In the case of the Christian Easter celebration, eggs are given as a symbol of the new life from the resurrection’. 

Diggers was looking up at a squirrel that had just darted in front of him and was half way up a tree, he growled, but the squirrel looked down as if to say ‘face,,, bothered?’ before climbing higher and going on its way. ‘So, what you are saying is, to be able to celebrate Easter you have to be a Christian, go to church (or Zoom church) and like chocolate?’ 

‘Well, it’s like this Diggers,’ I said looking up and watching that sprightly squirrel with him, ‘Easter is a Christian festival and Easter day celebrates the resurrection of Jesus and the new beginnings. However, we can all celebrate the festival whatever beliefs we hold. Whether it be the beginning of Spring and all the hope and new life that it brings, or it might be the time we can spend with family and appreciate what that means to us. Or maybe it’s just because it's the chance to eat chocolate together! It doesn’t have to be exclusive, it can be totally inclusive to all. We are so rich in diversity these days that we should be able to enjoy and respect each other's customs and festivals without claiming superiority or exclusion. We can simply take the elements that resonate with us and celebrate those, therefore keeping festivals and traditions going in a harmonious and positive way for all and keeping them alive for longer. 

I reminded Diggers of a quote that sums up the whole spirit of Easter to me, whatever your beliefs or background. It was said by one of the most iconic actors of all time, 

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow”.  - Audrey Hepburn

I looked back down, the squirrel was long gone and so was Diggers! The sun had come out and he was haring across the field. The meeting was over

Thoughts and Dog Walks - Sunday 21st March 2021

The weight of the world on his paws…….

So, to mark ONE WHOLE YEAR of my #thoughtsanddogwalks with Diggers on my Facebook page, this will be it’s new weekly home on my website blog - still every Sunday, just easier to read them and catch up on them if you miss them!  - Here is Thoughts and Dogwalks from Sunday 21st March 2021:

So, our business meeting this morning was the first one of Spring. The blossom was already starting to come out and the air felt different. The birds were singing loudly and it was all very uplifting. It certainly was enough to put a spring in your step!.......... Except for Diggers, he was definitely not feeling the change of the seasons. A spring in his step was definitely what he needed as it was beginning to feel like dragging 9-10Kg of granite round with me! (Diggers will be horrified that I have disclosed his weight !)

‘What’s up with you Diggers?’ I asked as I gently prised him along, ‘It’s like you’ve got leaden legs this morning! Breathe in that Spring air! Even the Highland cattle look happier this morning and they always look austere’.

He sighed, (a dramatic Jack Russell type sigh..) ‘I can’t move very fast this morning’ he said in a laboured tone, ‘I’m walking with the weight of the world on my paws’. 

‘Why is that Digger’s?’ I asked as I stopped to look at him and listen to his reply.

‘Well, you talk about spring being in the air and everything starting to feel uplifting and yet….’

‘And yet what Diggers? What is weighing you down?

‘Hate’, he said (That’s a big word I thought) 

‘It seems like the whole world is full of hate and anger right now. People are angry about the past, the present AND arguing about the future. Everybody casting blame and spreading anger and nobody offering positive steps forward. I wish it would STOP!  I just keep absorbing it all like a sponge that's getting more and more saturated and heavier and heavier to carry around. It’s just getting too much!’ 

He sat down and sniffed the air… even the rabbits weren’t going to ignite that spark this morning, 

I sat down on the bank next to him and put my arm around him. ‘Have you been looking at my social media news feeds again?’ I asked

Diggers turned his head away and looked out across the field…. ‘I might have been’ he said a little defensively. 

‘Well, It’s like this Diggers’, I said, looking out across the fields with him, ‘It’s all too easy to get drawn into the hate and the debate, because with Social Media it is just a click away and pretty much anonymous. With it being so instant and so easy to click ‘reply’ people don’t always take time to consider and weigh up everything. It can be ‘knee jerk’ and not considered. People then become even more defensive and that then boils over into becoming offensive which often doesn’t help an already inflamed situation. Then you get the big brands wading in fuelling the debate further and influencing their customer base who feel loyal to them (but in reality it is just another great marketing opportunity for them) so the pressure keeps mounting. The saddest part  though is that often the original, valid message, statement or grievance that started out becomes amplified in the wrong way and creates more anger, inflaming the situation more or desensitising people to the cause and they switch off to it. Another sad fact is that this angry ‘noise’ can lead to stress and anxiety disorders in people who absorb it all ,which can have any number of ‘knock-on’ effects on their mental and physical health. 

The other day I actually ‘unfollowed’ a big Yoga organisation I have ‘followed’ for years on social media. They had posted an ‘Anti-Hate’ message in big bold colours with no supporting narrative which generated a massive amount of response (no doubt it’s aim). Flicking through the responses, I have never seen so much anger, hate and blame from people emanating off one page. An ‘anti-hate’ post had done nothing but fuel what it allegedly had set out to defeat.  I was shocked and saddened that even something as passive as my beloved Yoga could stir up so much hate and blame. To me they are two words that a Yogi would not contemplate. 

I reminded Diggers of a quote by the mighty Buddah….

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. 

Do not let pain make you hate.

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”

I looked up but Diggers was down the track barking up at a tree and bouncing up and down on his back legs like Tigger! He had spotted a squirrel and that had definitely put the spring back in his step! The meeting was over! 

Little signs of spring peeking through

Until next week…….

Follow my weekly Thoughts and Dog Walks blog

Follow my weekly ‘Thoughts and Dog Walks , Ramblings whilst rambling blog on my Facebook page. The posts are every Sunday and discuss many areas of mental well being and positivity. The weekly ‘Business Meetings’ with me and my right hand hound, Diggers have been running since the start of lock down 1 back in March 2020. Just like my Facebook page www.facebook.com/olcotewellbeing to keep updated :)

Go with the gut?.....

Having finished my current six week treatment plan, and still suffering the after effects of it; I’m trying a month of anti inflammatory foods and foods and supplements that are supposed to help improve and restore gut friendly bacteria.

Today was the start and you can check in on my progress and findings on my Facebook page as I’m going to do it as a short vlog.

Being a PT I talk to people about their Nutrition and it is something I have a great deal of interest in. I’ve read a lot over time about diet to help inflammation and auto-immune diseases certainly do create a lot of inflammation! I also read more and more about how gluten can cause inflammation (although not for everyone) . I would consider that I have a fairly low sugar diet generally , but it is not until you look further you see the hidden sugars and they are what I am looking to reduce too.

So, if you are interested in the experiment or the results have a follow on the Facebook page :)

Here's the recipe! ....

Following on from my post yesterday, I’ve had quite a few responses from people asking for the recipe for the Gluten Free, Dairy Free and Egg Free coffee and chocolate cake I made for tea yesterday. So folks… here it is, Enjoy!

Ingredients:

For the Cake:

225g Gluten Free S/R Flour ( I used Doves Farm Freee)

35g Chickpea flour (you can get this from Tesco or any supermarket from the world food isle)

2 tbsp Cocoa

225g Sugar

150ml Oil

1 mashed banana (the more ripe the better - good way of getting rid of black bananas!)

150ml Water

11/2 Tsp of Vanilla Extract (I substituted this for coffee granules in a small amount of water as I like coffee rather than the sweetness of the vanilla) ;)

For the Filling

100g of non dairy spread ( I used Flora non dairy )- But you can use butter instead if you can tolerate dairy, which will be firmer when you actually come to eat the cake)

75g Icing Sugar

11/2 tbsp Cocoa

Topping -

More Icing Sugar for dusting

Method:

1. Pre-heat oven to 190/170 fan oven/ gas mark 5

2. Sieve both the flours together and the cocoa and mix well

3. Sling the sugar, oil, banana, into the Kitchen aid (or use a bowl and a wooden spoon ! ) and beat together until smooth. Add the water and the Coffee/vanilla (whichever you are using)and again beat well.

4. Stir the flour mixture into the wet mixture and combine.

5. Divide the mixture between two 20 cm/8 inch round cake tins (line the bottom with parchment)

6. Bake in the pre heated oven for 35-40 minutes

7. Remove the cakes and allow to cool.

To make the filling:

1. Work together the butter/spread, icing sugar and cocoa to make a butter cream. Spread on to one of the cakes and then sandwich together.

2. Finish by dusting the top with more icing sugar.

3. et voila!

NB Just a note if you are making the non dairy version with non dairy spread, be wary , when you come to cut the cake the filling may spill out a little as the non dairy spread won’t harden like butter does in butter cream - still tastes awesome though!!

Who said anything about going without?

So, this rare old disease is back causing problems in my esophagus, giving me issues swallowing, breathing and talking like normal one minute and like Marge Simpson after breathing in a helium balloon the next! Mercifully at present it has not reached further down the esophagus (deciding to take a little detour sideways into my lungs - hence the breathing issues) but this does mean that if I can swallow it down OK, food is not getting blocked like last time. So that’s good :) As I start the next course of treatment to try and kill the activity I have been switching back to foods that I feel my body can deal with more easily. 

Although there is no conclusive evidence that food and diet changes will help the condition, just the treatment plan which has it own rather unpleasant side effects, I still like to explore all options. I have long believed in a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) to things and believe that anything we can do holistically in support of the treatment we receive for things (if it works for us) then that’s all good too.

Anyone that knows me as a Personal Trainer will know that I am strictly against the word DIET  as I believe that we should eat, regularly, a variety of foods from a variety of sources and tailor to our own body, metabolic rate and how it makes us feel. Food should be a great joy and you really appreciate what a joy it is when you can’t have it… believe me! In fact, I could write a whole blog post on dieting (maybe several!) but I’ll save that for another rainy day. 

I found last year, when my eating was severely restricted, that there were certain changes to my diet that helped me get through it. There were times when all I could manage successfully were a few spoons of porridge but on the whole, when I was able,  there were two fundamental changes I made that I believed helped, but I adapted to me and how my body felt rather than ‘follow’ the diet. 

One, was the KETO approach and the other was reducing the amount of GLUTEN in my diet. This is mainly because both the keto approach and the gluten free approach reduce the effort in the body ‘metabolising’ the sugars, carbohydrates and gluten proteins and therefore I figured anything that gives the body a bit of a break in work meant that it could spend more time fighting the disease. (I’ve always been a logical, rational thinker!! )

In a nutshell, and maybe I’ll talk about it more in depth in another post if anyone is interested, The Keto approach is often referred to as the ‘anti-inflammatory’ diet, but people also use it for weight loss too as it can have that benefit. However, I would say this plateaus out so be mindful of starting it just to lose weight. It works by reducing carbohydrate intake and providing most of your daily intake through fats, proteins and vegetables. … yes FAT! Don’t be scared of fat, we need fat for the effective absorption of key vitamins A,D,E and K. It is the quality and type of fat that we need to look at. This doesn’t give you carte blanche to go running to the biscuit tin!. (again - perhaps another blog post )

Protein, like fat, is another key macronutrient that we need . You can get it from animal and plant based sources and we need a balance of these. Protein will help with muscle growth, tissue growth, cell membranes. But again, we need to look at the type of protein - it doesn’t mean piling up the bacon or Mig Mac’s without the bun! 

By reducing the carbohydrate element the Keto approach works on the basis of burning and using what we are taking in rather than storing for later. This state of being is called Ketosis. The theory of carbohydrate consumption is that it is slowly broken down and processed in the body through glycolysis (turning into sugars)  which are then stored by the body in case they are needed to be drawn on later through the ‘fight or flight’ response in the body. If they are not used they are then stored as fat. It kind of harps back to when we were running around hiding from dinosaurs, hunting for our own food and living in caves. Because of the high quality of the macro nutrients we are putting into our body , it keeps it lean at the point of ketosis using the fuel efficiently rather than storing or drawing from other areas of the body like muscle tissue etc.

Another area I looked at was gluten. With food getting stuck due to the changes in my esophageal tissue I found anything too substantial was not good for me. However, as a Fitness professional I needed foods like this sometimes. Gluten proteins can be difficult to digest, so once again I felt that anything that was hard to digest (let alone swallow) would cause inflammation in my body and give my body a break to work on fighting the disease.

I personally found as an added bonus that the reduction in gluten helped me generally in feeling less lethargic, bloated and, I guess ‘meh’ in the process. It’s not until you have to start looking at food labels that you realise how much gluten is in foods and therefore how much we are taking in (sometimes without knowing). Interestingly, I found oats did not cause me too much of an issue (hence the porridge! )  - they contain avenin which is a more tolerable gluten protein. The problem with shop bought oat products is that they have often become contaminated with other gluten proteins from the production line. 

So, for me, I believe those two elements helped me. But this is where I say any ‘diet’ has to work for you and be adapted to get the best for you. I didn’t cut out all carbs ( I would NEVER recommend that long term). It is a macronutrient that we need, but by reducing my intake I felt it allowed my body to keep going and fighting through a difficult period. I still managed to deliver all of my classes throughout the whole period and through the treatment and I plan (touch wood) to do the same this time. The drugs do their thing, but for me I needed to find adjustments that worked and assisted me in the process.

Diet is like fitness, there is no quick fix and there is no miracle one size fits all approach. It’s about finding what works for you. Oh, and by the way…. The picture accompanying the blog post today is of my Sunday tea time treat. I made it this afternoon. Chocolate and coffee cake - Gluten Free, dairy free and egg free…. Who said anything about going without?….. ; )

#stayalert #staydafe #staywell #stayactive

Follow Your Dreams? - Keeping that Motivation

I set up the business six years ago to show people what you can achieve, even with a serious health condition. 

I had been diagnosed at the age of thirty (nearly 18 years ago) with a rare and complex condition, but had made it my mission to show that I could achieve what I wanted to achieve and it wasn’t going to set any limitations on me. I proved what you can achieve (by training and studying hard ) to change my career and develop my fitness and wellbeing business to help other people realise their potential both physically and mentally. 

Last year, unfortunately I was diagnosed with yet another rare disease in the esophagus this time and many of my class goers and clients had to bear with me, with a voice like Marg Simpson, an inability to swallow or eat properly and a rather unpleasant treatment plan! BUT, I still managed to deliver all of my classes and (mostly… Ha! Ha! ) keep a smile on my face! 

I put a lot of it down to me being ever motivated. When I was younger I was always motivated by people telling me things I couldn’t do, that would make me want to prove I could do it and give me the motivation I needed! 

It does help  to have a positive and strong mental attitude , but this isn’t a gift at birth, it is something you can develop - you have to find the right goal for you. I made a promise to myself years ago in the hospital that I would not end up like the people around me - and I’ve stuck to it ever since, the goal I set myself and the motivation for me. Whenever I didn’t feel like studying or exercising, or worried about giving up my well established ‘employed’ career,  I would remind myself of that statement and my mission to get people motivated and fit too!

So what motivates you? Do you start with good intention but quickly fall off the wagon or become demotivated and lose that goal? 

The key to motivation and goals is that you’ve REALLY got to WANT them. If you really want them, then NOTHING is going to stand in your way. It will give you all the drive and determination you need to keep going until you’ve smashed it. There will always  be set-backs along the way or the odd disappointment, but you’ll dust yourself off and get back on that horse as quick as to chase that goal, because it feels right, because it spurs you on, because you know it’s going  to feel good when you get there. 

That’s another key thing about goal setting and motivation. Keep thinking what you are going to feel like when you get there, when you’ve reached that goal - feel it as if you are already there. As counsellors, we are often getting our clients to look at changing thoughts . Thoughts create actions. So if you have a positive thought you will create what we call a positive inspired action. If we rehearse in our mind how it will be and how we will feel when we've reached our goal, those positive thoughts will spur us on to positive inspired actions. 

Well, unfortunately, I’m facing another blip at the moment and my clients will have to put up with Marg Simpson again for a while as I start another course of treatment and it’s rather unpleasant side effects. But, I know that the motivation I get from helping people get fit on the inside and out will give me the motivation I need to keep going and keep delivering, because even if my physical body is struggling a bit at present the mind and motivation will keep me going while it catches up! 

So next time you fall off the wagon - take a moment… do you REALLY want it? How will it make you feel when you get there? … rehearse that feeling…. If it still feels right , then you still want it… so get back on that horse and chase after it!    #mondaymotivation ;)

RE-set, ready go!!

As you know, in addition to my Personal Training and Fitness side to the business, I am also a counsellor. On both sides of the business I deal a lot with people’s thoughts and perceptions about themselves. I’ve said it before, that thoughts are very powerful as they directly affect our feelings, which then can have a knock on effect to our actions and emotions etc etc. But it starts with a thought. The simple idea then is change the thought and you change the feeling which will then change the action and the emotion. Sounds simple but it can be very difficult for people to implement on their own because of those limiting beliefs that we (or others throughout our lives) have drummed into us. 

As professionals in our fields there is a requirement to keep updated with our skills and keep our training relevant and current. At present I am doing a CPD course in Hypnotherapy to assist with my counselling practice techniques. As a Yoga teacher I already use hypnosis through the Yoga Nidra, which we use for relaxation and meditation at the end of practice. This powerful state of Yoga Nidra (means Yogi Sleep) is the point between consciousness and unconsciousness  - very similar to when you read a book late at night and you feel yourself start to ‘drop off, at this point we are very responsive to auto-suggestion which is why we will often ask pupils to make positive affirmations whilst in this state of being. 

As part of this current course I have been learning about Neuroplasticity - which basically means how our thoughts and beliefs can affect mood, health and wellbeing.  I am particularly interested in Self Directed NeuroPlasticity (SDN) - which is how we can create new neural pathways through changing our thoughts and beliefs. 

I read a very interesting paper yesterday that said that it's believed that 95% of our daily thoughts are subconscious thoughts (automatic). So this means that we are conditioned to think these thoughts and we automatically process them as ‘go to’ responses. So these thoughts may be for example; ‘I have never been any good at running’ …. Or …’I never have enough time, I’m always rushing to get things done!’ or ‘I keep seeing all these adverts on TV at the moment of people baking, I wish I could, I’ve always been useless in the kitchen!’ These are all automatic responses to beliefs that we have instilled in us. Nobody is born the perfect athlete, nobody is born with the perfect sense of time and nobody is born a master baker, (even Mary Berry!) We all have the potential to achieve what we want to, we just have to condition our way of thinking to alter our response. 

If we take one example, ‘I’ve never been any good at running’  ….. That statement does not just appear, you don't just say I’ve never been any good at running  - you must have experienced running at some point for that thought to come into your head. From that experience, we can assume it wasn’t a good one as somehow or other it has led to the belief that you ‘have never been any good at running’ . So you , or someone else (maybe an old school PE teacher way back when ) has bestowed a ‘limiting belief’ on you that you are no good at running So when ever, you see something about running, or perhaps think about getting fit…. This limiting belief pops up and stops you from doing it. It is an automatic response, a habit , a subconscious thought that limits our potential. Change the thought and the limiting belief is reset. Often though because we have had these beliefs instilled in us for so long it is not so easy to just ‘unlearn’ them. That is where hypnosis can help, at the point of auto suggestion we can help to reset those beliefs and unlock that potential! 

Getting Your Inner Space Sorted

Many of you won't probably know this but I actually trained as an Architect and Designer (majoring in Interior Architecture) graduating with a Double First from the Hull School of Architecture, way back in 1996!

I still have a love of design, particularly interior design and certainly all things 'retro' . The house we currently live in was built in 1973 and had remained untouched since then. The estate agents when showing us round were somewhat embarrassed to show us the ‘unmodernised’ interior and were visibly shaken by our glee at finding a property so original! I'm extremely proud of my avocado bathroom suite! (although it is off set by some very contemporary and funky London Underground 'metro' tiles white with black grout ;)) So old and new can be melded together and I’ve been thinking very much recently about ‘old’ and ‘new’ After this period of ‘lockdown’ is over, will we go back to the old? if not, what will the new look like? As my business has pretty much evaporated at the moment and I wait to see if it will recover, I’ve been returning my thoughts back to my design background. One positive is that I have had a bit of time for my love of decorating and interior design and I’ve discovered the world of Podcasts. I’m so used to listening to music in any spare second I have frantically trying to fit some choreography to it for some class or other that I had forgotten what it was like to listen to anything different.

So, whilst I’ve been decorating and gardening (something I an not so keen on ! I’m glad I didn’t train as a Landscape Architect! ) I’ve been losing myself in some great podcasts. One in particular is The Great Indoors https://thegreatindoors.libsyn.com/ with Sophie Robinson and Kate Watson -Smyth. I have found it inspirational to re-ignite my passion for interior design, but also as a great focus for my thoughts at the present time. The latest pod cast is centred around the current situation and how we can share hints and tips on keeping our inner space sorted, which in turn will keep our inner head sorted!! It’s well worth a listen, if , like me you suddenly find yourself with time on your hands…. you could make those hands busy with a project!

When The Chores Out of Doors Become Less of a Bore!

I won the coin flip today!

he he he!

So when caught up in the midst of my ‘pre-lockdown’ lifestyle, running my busy little business, rushing from class to class or client to client, often changing hats throughout the day - Fitness Instructor, Personal Trainer, Therapist, dad, husband, I would sometimes see the daily dog walk as another chore I had to fit in. Often I would use that time in the week to catch up with emails or social media, brain whirring and mind racing.

That’s all changed now and the dog walk has become a sacred time when I put the phone away (apart from the camera ;)) and really look at my surroundings, because it is the only chance I’ll get to look at something different to my house or garden for the rest of the day! The business is quiet ( to say the least) and the income has gone and you’re in this surreal ‘free fall’ so all you can really do is be in the moment - something I’ve been working with people around for many years - but we all get caught up in business and schedule time for this. Now the liberty has been removed and we have to be careful how we use this precious time. I also have to say that because this time is so precious and limited during these strange times we find ourselves in, I have to toss a coin each day…. Heads, I get to go for a run or tails , Diggers gets his walk……. Diggers was the winner today.

Today on our walk, Diggers and I noticed all of the green shoots and the wild flowers all starting to come out, the rape fields starting to turn and the fields ploughed with the spring barley. I was alone (using routes that I thought would minimise the risk of meeting another dog walker, so we didn’t have the awkwardness of trying not to make eye contact incase one of us spoke or trying to work out as they approach how far it is polite enough to get into the hedge whilst trying to put that social distance between you).

As I walked (and Diggers sniffed) I was alone with my thoughts - I’ve had quite a few of them over the last couple of weeks; Will my family be OK? my wife out on the front line with no real protection, my son in his penultimate year at school , currently with no school, my mum and dad that I’m not able to go and see and my brother in the big smoke. Will my business survive this? everything I have worked so hard over the last six years to build, suspended, hanging - out of my control. If it does survive will it go back to the way it was before? or will my flourishing little business disappear, like one of those spring blooms?… here today, gone tomorrow. . … These things I churn over in my mind as I walk. I know these are perfectly normal thoughts to have and I have been a counsellor long enough to know that fear is a natural response, but anxiety is a wasted energy. I know I don’t have any control over this enforced situation and I have accepted that, I just continuing being and know that there will be an end to this at some point and the conclusion is not in my gift to control. It doesn’t stop me having these thoughts though, but thats all they are, thoughts and meditations.

However, as I walk and ponder these things, looking at the beautiful countryside I am lucky enough to live in, Diggers stops and pulls me back - as I look up I see a beautiful Red Admiral butterfly right in front of me. I am in a green lane and the butterfly is at eye level on a newly ploughed field. It sits there graceful and majestic, motionless apart from the occasional beat of its wings. I then bend down (to clear up after Diggers!) and on a flower just in front of me is a white feather…… a white feather and a butterfly….. two angelic signs…. and I realise I am not alone with my thoughts, that there is comfort and guidance always. ….. all is well.

Give Yourself Five ......

It’s all still very wierd at the moment…. Everyone still trying to find some kind of normality out of the strange and restrictive conditions we are currently living under. It’s scary how obviously we all rely so heavily on routine. It’s something we moan about and complain about ‘the daily grind’ or the drudgery of it all and yet, when it’s taken away from us, without any prior warning, it is something we yearn to have back!

It’s the normality we crave. We’ve got this time, time we’ve always said - ‘if only I had more time…’ - (be careful what you wish for!) and yet, a lot of those jobs we’ve always wanted to do around the house for example require things for us to go and buy that we can’t go out to get! So the days kind of jumble along and we begin to lose track of days, time and identity! - doing a bit of this , doing a bit of that. I’m steroid dependant and yesterday I even forgot to take my midday dose, because I’ve got out of my routine and only realised when I was about to practically collapse!

So, when you feel the day slipping away into chaos or nothingness or you want to find a bit of sanctuary, give this little exercise a go - something I’ve used with some of my counselling clients when they need to ‘take 5’… You could even do this when you are in that dreaded ‘essential shopping’ queue when you are desperately trying to extend the two metre gap from the person in front of you, whilst being VERY aware that the person behind you is not!!

This is an alternative and a more mindful version of the ‘count to five’ senario….

1 - What five things can you see? - look around you and mentally mark off five things

2 - What four things can you hear? Again mentally mark off in your mind four different sounds you can hear around you at that precise moment.

3- What three things can you smell? - Ths one can be trickier but not impossible - challenge yourself!

4 - What two things can you touch? Physically touch two things that are around you, once again, mentally marking them off

5- Finally take one big breath in through the nose and slowly exhale out through the mouth.

Foot Note: - If you are doing this exercise in that ‘social distancing’ shopping queue, you might want to miss out number five until you get home ;)

Keep safe, keep well, keep sane!

Iain

Iain is running a timetable of Free/donation online fitness classes if you are feeling cooped up and wanting to keep fit and sane during the lock down . Click here for more details

A Bit of Clarity in the Strangest of Times

As a Counsellor, in addition to my Personal Training side of the business) I am finding I’m having a lot of enquiries at the moment about staying positive with the current restrictions and uncertainty we find ourselves facing. The strange and immediate effect on our normal routine and day-to-day living. . We  find ourselves more and more confined and restricted, there is uncertainty, a bit of panic and a constant and nagging low level of anxiety anxiety. The kids are off school, some of us that had busy and healthy businesses suddenly find a lot of time available and the worry that the bank balance will be equally as empty. Maybe we are trying to work from partners and kids all jostling for spaces and trying to keep civil and sane, longing for normality and a little bit of peace and certainty!i

We are all in this strange and uncertain time together and it is easy for the days to go by with us feeling a lack of achievement and a lack of structure that we are used to. 

The other day, I did a little exercise with my son which I thought I’d share with you. As well as being a good exercise it also brings you together away from the work, schooling and housework and chores to do an exercise together that makes you think of things outside of the current situation and also gives a chance to discuss any fears, worries or concerns that you all might be feeling and keeping in. A chance to decompress. 

Write out  4 lists: 

Things I NEED to do

Things I've been MEANING to do

Things I would LIKE to do 

Things I have ALWAYS WANTED to do

Take List one each and give yourself two minutes to brainstorm After the two minutes each discuss what you had on the list. 

Repeat this process for each of the other lists.

When you’ve gone through your lists together, make a pledge that each day in this ‘Lockdown’ period you will try to do one thing off each list at some time during the day. Even if it is five minutes. List number four is the one you can have the most fun with! This is your dream list! Be as imaginative as you want!  Maybe, you’ve always fancied doing a Bungee jump! Although you can’t do that at the moment you can take little steps towards it so it might be that you build in some time to watch a Youtube video about it, or take some time to research the perfect locations or places that offer training courses, anything that brings you a little closer to your goal. It’s a step closer to a positive future and a step further out of the current situation that we have no control over. 

Anyway, me and my son had fun completing it last week, I hope you do too. Now, ……. Where did I put down that Macrame plant holder I’ve started making…………. ;)

Stay safe and keep well,

Iain x

When We Need to Wipe a Smile Off Our Faces

Here’s a thing ......

As a Skin Therapist I’m always talking to clients about their skincare routine. So many people still use face wipes 🙄

Now, I’m not one to keep banging on about the planet, there are enough people doing that at the moment but I do think we should each do our bit to help. Besides, even if you don’t agree with me on that, these things are no good whatsoever for your skin! They are cheap and convenient, yes, but they are made of non biodegradable plastic fibres mixed with a cocktail of chemicals so they won’t dry out and we happily rub them into the biggest most porous organ of the body day and night! 😱

They strip the surface of the skin but fail to get deep into the pores, often leaving unseen residue within the pores which will at the very least make the skin look dull, but can cause breakouts, spots , blackheads.

There really is no excuse for not cleansing, toning and moisturising . Exfoliate at least weekly and deep cleanse mask at least monthly ....or book into your therapist and let them do it for you 😆 . In the Treatment Room I use biodegradable ‘single use’ professional face cloths that I discard after every client and they rot down on the compost heap !

But buy yourself a good quality cotton muslin cloth or a even a quality cotton waffle face cloth. Wash it regularly- I have to wash my towels at 90 degrees . If you wash your towels and the facecloth on a hot wash it will kill the bacteria and also keep your pipes clear! Bonus 👍 AND it’s got to be better for the environment than the 94% increase in facial wipes being washed up onto our UK beaches! 😱 (stats from Marine Conservation Society) #saveyourskin #saveourbeaches #loveyourself #loveourplanet